first off i wanna apologize for the super confessional and creeper tone on those last 2 blogs. it was the first time i really fell head over heels in love with someone, AND the first time i got romantically involved with someone. naturally i had no idea how to react to these Strange New Feelings and i feel as if my brain had undergone major rewiring. i was considering delisting the blogs out of sheer embarassment so i wouldnt have to explain to anyone why i was acting such an immature creepy fool but whatever. thats how i felt and thats what i wrote and published. let the record show that
ANYWAYS the website is back. for all 0 of you who noticed it went down for a bit, its back on a shiny new VPS [audience starts clapping vigorously]. good news is that its no longer tied to my home ip (hopefully nobody noticed that previously), its no longer tied to the reliability of my home internet and power, and its based in Sweden instead of stinky USA. bad news is that i have to pay a stupid monthly fine now and its not on my own hardware. lame!!!
diligent readers who arent just skimming this blog for keywords SEX SEX SEX SEX might have noticed i said it went down for a bit. well i HAD to get a VPS because my mom switched off spectrum recently due to them being assholes as usual. that whole ordeal is a different story ill cover later. but were on t-mobile home internet now. yay! but t-mobile home internet has cg-nat so i cant port forward. so no more self-hosting publicly available services (i.e. a website). not yay! so yeah mayisdevo.net is outsourced until further notice now. but maybe ill go back to attempting a self-host XMPP server now since were outsourcing, since the whole reason i gave up on that was getting nginx, prosody and home internet to all cooperate was too much of a mindfuck for me. maybe itll be possible with home internet out of the picture?
the switch was a big issue in itself though. when i got home my mom was already tearing apart the whole setup instead of waiting for me. anybody with mild computer experience knows few things are as terrifying a sight as a middle aged person unplugging messes of wires with reckless abandon, not unlike the feeling of seeing little johnny making potions for you on the stove with bleach and ammonia. so i freaked out and dropped all my groceries and shit to help properly install the router-modem (side note: i asked for JUST a modem, why does everything have to be so overcomplicatedly simple now? in their efforts to simplify the process, not only does our wifi setup have 2 routers and subnets for literally no reason, but now i have to configure the router by stealing my moms phone for some bum ass app with 2 configuration options instead of logging in via the browser. which i bought a router to avoid doing in the first place. cool.) but anyways, me dropping my stuff in a panic resulted in me losing my mp3 player for like 2 days in the chaos. NO MUSIC FOR 2 DAYS!!!! truly torturous, especially given that i had closing shifts. closing without music is soul crushing.
and then came the VPS. i had no idea about cg-nat before the switch so i just foolishly assumed my website broke cuz i had to fix port forwarding. nope. (random thought: i havent tried soulseek yet so hopefully port forwarding wont be important for anything else) so i had to put in a bunch of research for privacy-oriented VPSes. i almost went with cockbox because the thought of telling people i could host it on my cockbox for them was too good but i decided to restrain my jester instincts and go with the more sensible (and affordable) privex. then i had to figure out monero to pay. id been meaning to learn monero for quite some time now but heres the issue with learning: you have to learn. so i had to rough it til i found out how to get btc from an atm and exchange it for monero. but hey now i can use the only crypto i gave half a shit about. if anyone wants to securely give me free money (and you dont want to use cash) hmu
in completely unrelated news ive been learning guitar since around mid-july. i was listening to metal with Kiara and we started talking about how we wished we learned years ago and i shared my usual excuse which is that i took a guitar class in high school and got immediately turned off when it was time to play chords. (that and we learned with acoustics; i understand the school system cant really afford nor wants the noise of 40 amps but cmon i dont wanna play some lame ass acoustic). the key difference: im not a completely idiotic lazy teenager now. im a mostly idiotic lazy adult who can sometimes work a little. i was thinking about the exchange and a thought was recurring: "why not start today?". i cant claim all the credit to this deep line of thought as i listened to Start Today by Gorilla Biscuits around this time. then i watched Stop Making Sense, and this is where the final push came from. i dont really know what to do with my life but watching that movie made me feel like if i could create anything a fraction as good as that concert film (or really a lot of Talking Heads' works, looking at you Remain in Light) itd be all right. so yeah ive been grinding the shit out of guitar since (outside the last couple days cuz this internet debacle took all my attention). easily the best part so far is that feeling of sucking complete ass and then slowly pulling my mouth away and sucking less and i wish i pushed thru the pain in hs. going back into it, yes chords were the devil. but then chords became hard but doable, and then tab/playing position became the devil. then it became doable and now rhythm is the devil. the metronomes red glares and screeching beeps really fucks with me and something as simple as strumming to a regular beat becomes a nightmare when you throw in the hand and finger movements and getting them to agree and sound like not total shit. but im looking forward to getting slightly better at it and seeing what the next hitler hell bitch catastrophe is.
but yeah thats all the yapping for today im pretty sure. look forward to the next blog and to changes TO the site. ive already gone and done a monumental, earth shattering change: ive made the landing pages index pages instead of janky looking .html pages (i.e. mayisdevo.net/blogs.html -> mayisdevo.net/blogs) [the audience does a deep gasp in utter disbelief]. i know, very crazy, very noticable. thinking about finally implementing a favicon, updating the stupid site name and banner (the May's Blog placeholder isnt cutting it anymore, 0 style), and ive been really wanting to write music reviews so ill hack away at the reviews section which has been sitting latent in the files. look forward to shitty graphic design and shittier opinions